Aimee Cohen- Matchmaker Guidelines
1. Please get me your relevant info:Hello everyone! As you may or may not know I have decided to “strike out” on my own to do shidduchim. As such, I’m asking you, if you haven’t already, to send me your info. This is the same info you would put on a shidduch profile on any of the web sites. In brief this should include age, height, a good picture to show the other person, hashkafa, marital status, kids, (how many and ages, custody,) job/education level and all of the above about what you want from the other person - how flexible you are or not about these things with the other person, age range, etc. and any info you think is pertinent for someone setting you up or someone considering dating you to know. It would help to have some insight, written in your own words about your values, personality and interests to give me and the other person a better sense of who you are to go on. I will need your contact info also but I would not pass that on without your consent. References would also be helpful to have in advance for if and when the other side asks for them.
A few ground rules: Be honest in your information. If I find out (of course I would check with you first) that you were not honest with any of your information I reserve the right to no longer set you up; not interested which heter you got to lie; I will not misrepresent anyone knowingly. That being said; I make no claim that anyone's information is truthful; please date at your discretion and I would encourage you to do the fact-checking yourself and check with references of the person.
2. Stay in touch
I just ask that you get in touch with me and email me once in awhile to remind me to see if I have anyone relevant - i.e. email me every so often if you haven't heard from me and stay on top of me in that way. Mainly if we stay in touch regularly and discuss matches in detail (i.e. more than "he/she's not for me") I will be able to better help you.
3. The Process:
Once I have your info – I may ask you for more if I feel like I don’t have enough to go on. If I think I have someone who might be appropriate, I will let you know and we can take it from there. If both sides agree that they want to pursue the match then I would communicate with both of you as to how you want to get in touch – and expect that you stay in touch with me so I can help you smooth over any difficulties and miscommunications that can often happen, especially at the beginning. If you let me know your expectations then hopefully I can help you that much more.
4. To be up front about Fee Structure:
Sending me your info and “joining my network” is free. However if you get engaged to someone I set you up with, according to Halacha you are obligated to pay the going rate. At present this amount is US$2000 total, $1000 from each side. That said, I would not refuse to set anyone up based on inability to pay. If that amount is not affordable all at once then I am very flexible to working out a payment plan. If the total is not affordable we can lower it to an amount that would be mutually agreeable to all parties. (Note, this is based on the psak of Rabbi Daniel Neustadt as featured on the sawyouatsinai.com web site – visible here: http://www.sawyouatsinai.com/laws-of-matchmaking.aspx ) Note that I am not a matchmaker with them but I checked with my own rabbi and stating in advance that I expect to be paid at the end is not unreasonable to do. If you feel that it is then it’s very simple – you have no obligation to work with me :) .
I realize that there are other matchmakers who accept far less than this amount. That is their prerogative, of course. Personally I put a lot of time, effort and thought into matching here and I cannot justify continuing this at the same pace/rate if I don't get compensated at a reasonable amount when a shidduch goes through.
Email me with any questions.
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